Tag Archives: friends

Make new friends but keep the old

I sang this song when I was a Brownie, a bazillion years ago. I can still see myself sitting in a circle in a classroom in my elementary school. I must have been eight or nine years old.

I lost many – okay all – of my old friends when I left the Church. I had been a best friend with Rev. Moon’s daughter and with a few Korean children who were born into and raised in the Church. When I, as my brother says, simply disappeared from Church life, I disappeared from them as well.

One of the hardest parts of leaving the Church was losing what felt like everyone and everything that had been important to me. Everyone and everything that I had loved. I wondered where my old friends were. I wondered how my old friends were. I wondered if I’d ever see them again. And I wondered if I’d be flush with shame if I ever did see them – shame at leaving and sinning and walking away. Shame at abandoning the Messiah and letting God down. Shame and disgrace and self-loathing. Do you get the sense that leaving the Church filled me with at least a few not-so-good emotions?

Yet despite these fears, I still longed to reconnect. I’ve been on my journey to revisit and remember, and finding my friends felt like it would help all the shattered pieces of my past fall even more into place.

I did. It did. It was amazing.

I’d found Rev. Moon’s daughter a number of years ago – my memoir culminates with us reconnecting and with my attending a service at which she delivered a sermon – but I again hadn’t spoken with her in years. I reached out to her a few weeks ago and ended up having dinner with her and her family. There are no words for how amazing it was. There are no words for how whole-ing it feels to reminisce with someone who was there, who gets it, who gets me. To not have to explain myself, or the Church or the beliefs, and to agree that things were crazy and that it was hard. So hard.

Rev. Moon’s daughter then reconnected me with one of my friends whom I hadn’t seen since I was about sixteen. Whom I used to see every week. And that friend reconnected me with another friend whom I thought I would never see again.

There are no words for how wonderful it was. How wonderful it is. I had lunch with one friend, and we laughed and cried and held each other. We swore we wouldn’t lose each other again. We tried to make sense of all that had happened to and around us, all that we’d been taught, all that we’d believed. My friend whom I thought I’d never see again – well I haven’t actually seen her yet, but I’ve seen a photo and we’ve talked much of it through via text. And we swore we’d never be torn apart again.

We talked about the Church, and each time I said, “I know I got some good from it too. I think my heart is so big and I love to love so much because of the Church.” Each time they said, “No, you were that loving when I met you.”

My heart is filled with such love at finding my old friends. My mind is bending over in on itself, and also watching all the missing pieces snap into place.

Make new friends but keep the old. I’ve finally been allowed to keep my old friends.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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Beauty is all around you. Don’t miss it.

Yoga class this morning, and this was the instructor’s instruction to us. It’s something I know. Something (I think) I practice. And something I can stand to be reminded of again and again and again.

And again.

There is so much pain and suffering in the world. There is so much to look at that is, or at least can be, upsetting. I could find reasons to be in pain and anguish in lives around me, and in my own life as well.

And there is so much beauty. It’s there for me to see, if I’ll just notice it.

It doesn’t mean the awful isn’t awful. It doesn’t mean I’m slapping a smiley face on the things that hurt, and suck, and need to be changed. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to fight the good fights and change what I can – in myself, my life, and my world.

It just means that in the midst of that fight, in the midst of every day, I can stop and notice. And notice again. I can literally and figuratively smell the roses.

It’s the sun shining again after a storm. Laughter with my friends of decades, as we eat a fine dinner looking over the ocean, with fireworks exploding behind us. It’s running into a good friend whom I haven’t seen for too long, and having a few minutes at a high school football game, as we even won the game. It’s the horde of yellow birds I saw not once but twice today.

I can pay attention to all the wonder and splendor and glory and love that surrounds me. Or I can not.

Beauty is all around you. Beauty is all around me. Don’t miss it.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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Joy is my highest purpose

In my Positive Psychology certification course, we had to name our life’s purpose. It is clear to me – very clear to me – that my purpose is to love. To love others. To love myself. To spread and share and rejoice in more and more love in this world. I firmly believe it’s what we need and what will heal us (which we need now even more than ever).

My purpose is also joy. Deep-hearted, full-bodied, life-sustaining joy. To find reasons to be joyful. To spread joy as well. To see the beauty in the world around me and rejoice in it. Savor it. Bask in it. Call it out and affirm it. (Have I mentioned that I’ve seen yellow birds – many yellow birds – every day? It’s as if they’re seeking me out.)

There are so many reasons to be joyful each and every day – even the hard days. And there are so many reasons to miss the reasons to be joyful. I have to train my heart and soul and senses to look for joy and to notice it. I have to remind my mind that even just a bit of joy will fuel my heart and soul.

I live to love. I live to connect. I live for joy and laughter and beauty. I notice the sun dappling on the trees. The bluest sky and yellowest birds. The snuggle with my son. The time with my friends. The ease in my heart and soul.

There is joy and love abounding, if I open myself to it. I’m going to look for it and delight in it. To luxuriate in it and wallow in it and celebrate it.

Joy and love are my highest purpose.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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