Tag Archives: joy

What will ease my heart?

The weirdest thing is happening to me.

As I’ve written here, I am becoming more and more able to identify my false tapes as they surge into my head. And to breathe and ease them away.

“You deserve to die!” they scream inside me.

“Breathe, Lisa. It will pass,” I reply.

“You’re a worthless piece of s—t,” they counter. “You deserve to die.”

“Breathe sweetie,” I remind myself. “Breathe, and it will pass.”

And it does.

I breathe. I look around me. I remind myself – as quickly and as much as I can – that these are false tapes. Lies. Complete mistruths carved into my psyche through my misinterpretation of all that happened to and around me.

My parents split up. Must have been my fault. My mom left us for God. Must have been my fault. I hated that my mom left us for God. (Well, I’m assuming that I hated it, because I certainly never let myself feel it.) I am evil and deserve to die. Sexual abuse. I am damaged and deserve to die. I cry when I leave my mom. I am evil and undeserving…and deserve to die. The Messiah banishes me. I am absolutely sinful and deserve all of this…and deserve to die.

My ingrained gut reactions and thoughts aren’t pretty. I now know they’re not true. And I now know that they will pass – through me and out of me – if I just breathe and ease my heart.

So what will ease my heart? What will bring me back to love? I’ve learned to know that and to look for it.

It’s always the sky for me. The trees against the sky. It’s the flowers trying to break through in early spring or the snow piled on the bushes after the storm.

It’s always my kids for me. I know I’ve healed my heart through loving my kids. I know I’ve learned that I am love…and that I am loved…and that I am lovable.

It’s feeling my feet on the floor. My butt in the seat. My fingers on the keyboard. It’s grounding myself in the present and reminding myself of all the beauty and love in my present. It’s breathing deep and feeling inside my heart – for all the love, all the acceptance, all the new truths I’ve absorbed to replace the false truths I entrenched in my mind while I was growing up.

There are so many things around me that can ease my heart. There are so many things inside of me that can ease my heart. They’re there for the noticing and focusing and choosing.

And it’s working.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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Milk it baby!

The snow outside is beautiful. I’m going to milk that feeling. I don’t have to shovel it. I’m going to milk that feeling too.

I’m snuggled inside, sipping my tea, with my feet in cozy slippers, texting with my oldest child (while I’m supposedly focusing on writing my blog). All of this is also worth milking.

I’m going to milk it.

My life is wonderful. My life growing up, not so much (as someone who was there with me reminded me of yesterday). I’m going to milk the wonderful. I have learned that my day can be good or my day can be bad, and much of that has to do with how I choose to focus and what I choose to notice. Today I’m going to – again – notice the good, focus on what’s working, and milk it, milk it, milk it.

When someone asks me how I feel about turning in my manuscript, I’m going tell them how outrageously pumped and excited I am and choose not to – for this moment – give credence to my fear. When someone asks me how work is going, I’m going to tell them “actually better than ever – we’re busy and it’s all fun!” and choose not to – for this moment – add, “and I wonder how I’ll get it all done.”

When things have been sucky, I’ve learned to lean into the suck (with a few reminders from a few good friends). When things are good, I’m going to lean into the good. I’m going to notice and bask and enjoy. I’m going to imagine the book as a book going gangbusters and picture how much fun it will be to finalize the title and sign copies at as many book signings as I can book.

I’m going to see the beauty rather than the struggle. I’m going to relish the fun along the way rather than dread what I might mess up. I’m going to milk every little (and big) thing I can that is going well. Or splendidly. Or even just hopefully in the right direction.

I’ve learned (and studied) that what I choose to look at and focus on has a huge effect on how my day and life go. I’ve learned (and studied) that my mind is mine to direct, and how I direct it matters.

For today, once again, I’m going to find everything I can to be even the littlest bit stoked about, and I’m going to milk it, milk it, milk it baby!

And reap the benefits. And enjoy my day.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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I’m going to have a good day

I woke up this morning with a justifiable reason not to have a good day. But I’m going to have a good day.

I woke up this morning with a justifiable reason to be frustrated and disheartened. But I’m going to be heartened and hopeful instead.

I don’t know if I always was a “glass half-full” kind of person. I know that I work hard to be one now. I don’t want to ignore or negate the awful things in the world or the challenging aspects of my life, but I do want to choose to see the upside and potential. I’ve learned that a positive outlook literally broadens our peripheral vision and allows us to see more opportunities. Opportunities we might miss if we’re hunkered down in the negative.

I believe (finally) in all my feelings. After years of not having – or at least not admitting or allowing – any sadness or anger, I know how life-affirming it is (for me at least) to admit and allow the full range of my emotions. The “good” and the “bad.”

But, I don’t want to be anchored in the anger or sadness. I no longer want to be mired in or defined by my pain. I want to look for reasons – and create reasons when necessary – to have a good day.

I can notice the sunshine and the leaves blowing in the wind. I can breathe deep and feel my mind and soul ease. I can think of the people I love and the friendship and joy I have in my life.

And I can have a good day.

Have a good day.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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