Tag Archives: parenting

Feel the wind on your skin

I just texted someone I love dearly with the reminder – “Feel the wind on your skin this week. Soak it all in.”

This person is in a big week, and most likely a fun week. And I want them to be in every moment, to soak it all in.

When they were little I’d offer that reminder as we drove down the street in the convertible. “What do you feel right now?” I’d ask. “The wind on my skin,” they’d always reply.

A constant reminder of right here, right now. Where am I? What am I noticing? What can I enjoy?

My work is busy – very busy. It’s easy to get caught up in all that I have to do, all that my clients and business partner are waiting for. Or I can notice the wind on my skin. Right now.

I can be lost in the swirl and anxiety that I won’t get it done, or I won’t get it done in time. Or I can take one minute at a time and focus on the next thing right in front of me. And trust. And feel the wind on my skin.

I’m reminding myself that I always have a choice. I’m choosing to breathe and relax. I’m reminding myself to notice and bask. I’m reminding myself to stay in this moment and to relish this moment.

I’m feeling the wind on my skin.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

Categories: Hope and Amazement, , Tags:

21 years ago today my life was saved even more

It’s hard for me to fathom that my oldest child is twenty-one. I remember turning twenty-one. Vividly.

It’s also hard for me to explain how my life changed – and I changed – when I became a mother. I’m pretty certain that everyone feels a huge shift with parenthood. I would imagine they do. I don’t know if mine was huger. I know it was monumental for me. It was a new beginning.

I had long professed, “the disease stops here.” I had promised myself that I would do whatever I could to not pass along my pain and fear. I didn’t know how I would do it, but I was determined to do it. Whatever it took.

I determined that my kids would always know they were loved. That was my main goal for parenting. I wanted them never to doubt their worth and their worth to me. I’m pretty sure I’ve achieved that.

I know that I’ve passed along some scars and insecurities, and I’m pretty sure that my kids picked up some of their own without my help. But I’m certain that they – at least most days if not all – know that they’re loved. They feel the love that surrounds and supports them. When I say, “I love you most” to them they know I mean it.

I never imagined that loving my children would heal me so much. That being their mom – and loving being their mom – would give me a chance to grow and heal my heart and soul. I never imagined that I would love being a mom – their mom – so much, but perhaps needless to say, it’s my favorite thing to do.

I am – I’ll say it out loud – awed by my ability to be a good mom. And by my ability to acknowledge that I’m a good mom. I’m sure I doubted if I could do it and do it well. Would I stick around? Would I love them enough? Could I love them enough.

On this day I celebrate – my child, my children, my mothering, my healing, my life.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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When shutting up is good

I was with someone I love dearly. Someone with whom I am compelled to step in, to do all that I can. Someone whom I’m driven to help, even though they don’t need my help.

We were talking about a current struggle they were facing. This person is, in at least some ways, a lot like me. They can slip into pushing and worry and a bit of anxiety. As they told me what they were thinking and feeling, I so wanted to offer all of the tools and resources and short cuts I’ve amassed over the years.

“Breathe, just breathe,” I wanted to say. “Find thoughts that make you feel better, that bring you ease, and focus on them.” “Remember all you’ve done – all you’ve gotten through – before.” I held my tongue, and almost my breath.

I wanted to be wise. I wanted to be needed. Mostly I wanted this person whom I love almost more than life itself to be free from suffering.

Isn’t it funny that we can’t make anyone else free from suffering? We can’t even make ourselves free from suffering. Some people – me even at times – would say that we don’t want to be free from suffering because suffering can offer us perspective, and it can remind us of how much we love to be free from suffering.

I held my tongue and waited. Instead of counting the seconds – which seemed innumerable – I counted all the things I wanted to say. “Write a gratitude list.” “Will you remember this in five years? One year?” “What would you say if your best friend said all this to you?” “Have you tried meditation yet? Please try meditation.” There were so many things I wanted to say.

I said none of them. Just nodded and waited and thought. And then they said, “You know, maybe it’s not that bad. Maybe if I just relax a bit more…I’ll relax a bit more. Maybe I don’t have to figure it out.”

That’s always been my favorite easing thought, when no other thought works. “Maybe I don’t have to figure this out.”

There are, in reality, so few things I have to figure out. There may be – at times there are – many things that I think I have to figure out, but so few that I actually do. Including how to help this person I love, who doesn’t need my help at all.

I shut up that day. Maybe I’d benefit from shutting up more often…at times. It might help me stop trying to figure out and fix things.

Maybe shutting up would be good.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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