Tag Archives: recovery

Let go and let god

There really isn’t much more to say after that.

I learned “let go and let god” years ago, when I first crawled into Al-Anon. It was one of the many sayings and practices that saved my soul and helped me begin to piece my life back together.

It’s at least as essential now.

The book keeps moving ahead: The details are many and, at times, blurring – as exciting as this whole process is. The decisions seem nonstop and overwhelming – again, as exciting as this whole process is. What if I forget something essential? What if I make the wrong decision? What if I f—k everything up?

Boy my “editor” is potentially having a hey day judging my every move.

Let go and let god. I remember I can only do what I can do, and I’m honestly not in charge of everything (and certainly not in charge of how successful the book is…or isn’t).

My desire to help my dad – to ease his suffering and brighten his monotonous, depressing life – continues. And while I’m researching a few options to change the way things are, there are some ways I have to let things be. I can’t make his life great. I can’t ease his pain – physical, mental, emotional, or otherwise. Again, I can only do what I can do, and I need to let go and trust for the rest of it.

My need to continuously (and continuously) better myself. To be my best me. That is certainly something I need to let go (and let god) about. I know I am a work in progress, and though many of you might happily point out to me my highly perfectionistic ways of approaching my life and my self, I give myself more grace and mercy (thank you again Anne Lamott) than I ever did. I let go and let god and remember that I can only do what I can do, and that I am, by definition (as was pointed out to me many, many years ago) doing the best I can. Honestly, I know myself well enough to know that if I could do better at something, I most likely would. Yes – to my big brother – I even try to do “not perfect” perfectly.

Let go and let god. It allows me to breathe. It allows me to slow down, ponder, ease, and enjoy. It allows me to release my false sense of control and somehow know that everything will be okay. And if it’s not okay, I will get through it.

Let go and let god. One of the best things I ever learned. One of my most important lessons to remember.

Let go and let god.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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I have within me all that I need. And all that I have, I need.

If you’re like me, you might have an ongoing tune in your head – about how you’re missing something crucial (and you don’t even know what it is) and how much of what you have is unnecessary or even unacceptable.

What a harsh way to walk through life!

How much more soothing is this comforting truth that someone shared with me a while back. “I have within me all that I need. And all that I have, I need.”

This comforting truth reminds me not to freak out that I won’t know what I need to know or have the strength to handle whatever may come my way. This comforting truth reminds me to accept – and even love – all that I have (and all that I am), instead of lambasting it (or me) or degrading it (or me) or discounting it (or me).

This comforting truth comforts me and brings me ease and a bit of peace. It allows me to allow calmness to fill and surround me.

I offer it to you – and that in and of itself is enough today.

I have within me all that I need. And all that I have, I need.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

New Year’s generally means very little to me. Maybe because I have an ongoing practice of starting each day anew, and each moment during the day anew when necessary. I stop. I notice. I appreciate. I let in. I stop again. I start over.

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I laugh (and groan) when the gym is crowded and celebrate come mid-January or early-February when it empties out again. I don’t resolve to eat better or exercise more or stop a bad habit. I try to live those ways each and every day. And I try – very hard at times – to cut myself a break and give myself slack when I don’t.

All that being said, it feels like a new beginning today and an opportunity to build in even more self-care and mindful practices to make this year – and my life – more of what I want.

For the past year, I’ve kept a “good year box.” A list, every day, of the little things I notice and appreciate. When I look back at my 2017 list, I can see what a great year I had. What a compilation of good days. I promise myself I’ll keep a “good year box” this year.

For the past year, I’ve made a much more concerted effort to meditate every day. Every day. I haven’t missed many, and I’ve noticed a calmness in my being that wasn’t fully there before. I like that calmness, and I promise myself I’ll keep at meditation this year.

For the past year, I’ve done even more conscious breathing and even more acknowledging of my tension and anxiety and allowing it to flow through me and away. I’ve leaned into the suck when I’ve had sucky times, and I’ve done my best to be easy with myself – and with those around me. I’ve turned to others for support and love and encouragement, and reached into myself to give as much support and love and encouragement as I can. I promise myself that I’ll consciously be – and be with myself and others as life flows on this year.

For the past year, I’ve called out (to myself) the moments of joy and ease. The snuggles that fill my spirit and the beauty that lifts my soul. I promise myself that I’ll continue to call out and relish. That I’ll pay attention and direct my attention this year.

I know these practices are a constant, and I know I have a tendency to judge myself for not practicing them “enough.” But today feels like a great opportunity to breathe, reset, enjoy, savor, bask, release, notice, appreciate, love, list, meditate, and sit. All great verbs. All great practices. All great ways of being, that I promise myself I’ll allow (and instill) in my life more and more each day.

Happy New Year!

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you!

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